How does food serve me?

I'm not used to thinking "Does this serve me? How does this serve me?".  I'm used to focusing on how i can serve others.  It feels selfish to ask for things to serve me.

I'm giving myself some previews of the Sacred Feminine Intensive before i dive into it full on.  I'm waiting for a few more items for my altar and know that the early mornings will take some adjustment, so i'm giving my body some time to do that.  Last night i watched another of the videos, this one on eating during the process.

My issues around food are... complex.  I binge, often in secret.  I tend to match the eating habits of the person I'm with.  This is particularly not healthy when it is my husband - with 120 lbs on me and a distaste for veggies.  I also need to factor in time and laziness, as both impact what i eat.  I have a total sweet tooth.

These habits don't serve me.  Eating too much feels good for a little bit - the high of sugar and carbs! but i regret it the next day on the scale.  I know that my eating habits place me at higher risk for health problems.  I've experienced cutting out junk and while i didn't feel some spiritual clarity like others speak of, it did reduce my cravings for more junk.

Namaste suggests eating a mostly plant based diet during the intensive and minimizing processed foods.  Eating for life & abundance.  Since one of the habits i'm working on is meal planning, i feel like this is an opportunity to improve my health & food choices to more mindful ones.

I threw out the half container of grapefruit juice, thanking it for the reminder that i enjoy grapefruit, but acknowledging i don't need the sugar.  I threw out the bag of jelly beans, thanking them for indulging my sweet tooth, but i don't need the artificial colors and flavors.

Today's snack (pistachios), lunch (salad) and breakfast (smoothie)

I packed up my breakfast, lunch & a snack this morning and asked how these foods served me.  I noted that much of it was raw.  Everything would taste good.  It was full of vitamins and nutrients.  My smoothie has me still sated at 11:30 am.  This is healthy fuel.

I will have beef and dairy with dinner tonight, but on a bed of veggies rather than on a roll, and with a sweet potato rather than fries.  I need protein and calcium as the baby grows, but i can make good choices about it.  I can put intention into the foods i make.  

I will need to keep asking how my food choices serve me, and acknowledge sometimes i will eat things that do not serve my physical self, but give me pleasure.  Certainly 2 meals does not mean the end of a journey! 

Progressing towards peacefulness

The problem with decluttering is you can't always just make things go away immediately.  I've decided to have a tag sale, but it's almost 2 months away.  All the books and things were piling up in my living room, making me feel stressed and annoyed.

So last night i moved everything to the garage before it rained.  It also meant i moved a few items in the garage to the go-away pile.  i am excited and hopeful that we really are making a dent in the unnecessary possessions by going through this process.

With the tag sale, my intention is getting everything to the garage (or everything i can reasonably get there) by mid May, giving me a week or two to organize and price things.

Moving items meant that once the husband goes through the remaining electronics, the only category remaining in the living room will be board games/toys.  That will be a quick & easy one!

I was able to spend a little time making space for my altar, as part of the The Sacred Feminine Intensive.  It's taken me some time to find the right items and that is still in-process.  I have been making sure i do some of the breathing exercises daily and getting in some movement.  I haven't been perfect at it, but it's also some additional reinforcement on the healthy eating side of things.

Speaking of healthy eating, this week's lunch is Mason Jar Cucumber (Noodle) Salad.  I got lazy and just cut my cucumbers.  It's quite good and very filling.

I feel as if the work on the house and healthier habits leads me to feeling more relaxed.  Even knowing i have a fairly busy night planned for myself is not stressful knowing it all is going towards the things i want to work on.  Maybe it is just the happy breathing the intensive suggests, but this work feels good.

A cake, talk, and meal prep

A Cake!

Here is a picture of the completed cake.  Ian made the sign/flag to go with it.  It's a combination of marshmallow fondant and butter cream frostings, and we used a chocolate ganache inside they layers.

The party went very well - good food, happy kids, really that's all you need.  There were a few near melt downs, but that's expected in this age group!

I had my first unexpected belly touches at the party on Saturday, all from my not-in-laws.  They all wished me well and were happy there will be more babies around this summer.

Afterwards i was very exhausted!

Sunday was not quite as early a start, but it was a very productive day!  I decluttered my desk drawers and a few shelves in the basement.  I had fallen into a common trap - if things are neatly organized, then the quantity doesn't matter.  But having 10 stickers for an organization i don't much care for?  Why?  This process of letting things go is not always simple, but i'm feeling more and more comfortable in my home.  Things feel easier.

I am hoping to spend time tomorrow night moving things to the garage, which will be a base of operations until we hold a tag sale in May.  Right now there are piles in the living room and i don't like that.

Sunday also involved some relationship talk time (exhausting but necessary) and weekly grocery shop & meal prep.  All told i made 11 smoothie packets for breakfasts, 5 snacks, and 5 salads for lunches.  I also made a nice salad for dinner and an actual dinner.  The process is another one that takes a lot of energy and effort but with a great payoff. I eat healthier and have so much more time during the week.  Throwing my "leftover" ingredients into the salad was a great decision i hope to do more consistently going forward.

Alas, a poor night's sleep last night meant i slept much later than i intended to this  morning.  I need to work on finding the balance between getting enough sleep so i feel good and being able to wake up early enough, especially if i am to really commit to the intensive program i'm about to start on.

A Rough Night and a Good Start

Last night Aimee and i stayed up making a pirate ship cake for Connor's 4th birthday.  I can't believe he is turning FOUR!  Where did the little baby who made my heart swell go?

On the way up north, what should have taken 30 minutes took nearly 2 HOURS!  Traffic crawled and people were driving aggressively in response.  I also felt myself getting agitated, having to pee, having no option but to ride through the traffic.  My phone's prognosis told me i would get there faster if i walked!

I am still in the sort of prequel to the Sacred Feminine Intensive, gathering my materials and learning what the expectations of the program are.  One element is practicing breathing, so i used that time to do so.  I did feel calmer, more relaxed and even the pressure in my bladder seemed to fade enough for me to feel more comfortable - certainly no small feat for a pregnant lady!    

The cake is almost done.  Ian was working on a flag when i left last night around 11PM.  Two pregnant ladies, up late on a Friday, exhausted and knowing there is more to go?  We weren't as sweet as the cake, let me tell you.  But!  I think it looks awesome.  It is also a vegan and gluten-free dessert, which definitely created a little bit of a learning curve.

When i got home i was exhausted, and quickly fell asleep.

Alas, sleep was fitfull - i woke up twice (again, darned need to pee!) and the cat was being a fussbudget, meowing and pawing at the door.  I only got a few hours of sleep.  Rather than toss and turn in bed, i woke up an hour and a half before the alarm.  I took time getting dressed, even lighting a candle and taking a pause.  I did a little puttering - emptying trash and straightening up.  Then i set some tea to steep, did a short prenatal yoga video and had my tea as i write this.

I feel very relaxed and ready to take on a day of cleaning, toddlers and sugar.

Returning with a New Self (In Progress)

I know, i know, yet another blog lying dormant and sad, unattended, unloved.

It's not my intention.  Other projects fight for my attention.  My family life gets busy.  Work requires my focus.

And i don't post.  And still don't post.  And then, forever & a day later, i remember a place i did a little writing.

Things look different in my world now.  I'm pregnant (yay!).  5 months along now.  I'm in a massive decluttering project thanks to The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing by Marie Kondo.  I'm attempting to connect to my spirituality & femininity in a different way through the The Sacred Feminine Intensive, part of the School of Feminine Transformation (S.O.F.T.) hosted by Namaste Moore.

Much of my life feels "in transition".  My body is transforming - my belly growing with the baby, my breasts changing in preparation, and my hormones shifting.  I feel softer, squishier and it's not all comfortable physically or emotionally.

My relationships are shifting.  Not just due to this pregnancy, but my loves are also pregnant (their 3rd!), and it brings with it new dynamics.  One partner is working through big life things.  My  husband is gearing up to add father to his identity and another partner is experiencing a different definition of fatherhood for himself.

My job is in transition.  I hope to take a leave of absence and return at part time.  Pregnancy is having an effect of my career.  I've been placed on desk duty to avoid exposure to the number of hazardous chemicals we work with.

And emotionally, spiritually, i feel new doors opening as others close.  A different connection to something greater than myself and a new sense of drive and creation.

We'll see if i end up blogging here more or not, but i did today.